Hi Nadine,
I am a 27-year-old woman, working in a multinational company. I am a divorcee. My husband left me when I couldn’t present him with a child in three years of our marriage. My problem is rather strange; a colleague of mine likes me and has proposed to me. He is 38 years of age, and has three children. His wife died a couple of years ago. The problem is that I am confused. He is rich and belongs to an upper class family. There are a lot of differences between our backgrounds, as I am from a middle class family. He is a very decent person, and knows all about my short married life. I like him and respect him as well, but I am scared because of the class difference. Why would his family accept a divorcee from middle class? I am also scared because if I prove unable to have a child, I will have no leverage. I don’t want to be discarded yet again. What should I do? Should I accept and take a chance or decline to save myself from future pain? DF
Dear DF,
In this day and age, educated people do not let such petty differences thwart their happiness. This guy is not a youth with a crush; he is a mature person who knows his mind. Don’t underestimate yourself; you are an educated woman with a good job. Just because this guy is from the upper class, don’t feel intimidated. As for your other problem, why don’t you visit a gynaecologist and get yourself checked? Besides, he is not marrying you for children because he already has three. So even if you have a problem, I doubt it will affect your married life. If you are worried about his family’s reaction, discuss the matter with him. Tell him you feel insecure and have reservations although you like him. I am sure he will be able to put your doubts at rest. Good luck!
Dear Nadine Khan,
I’m a 23 year-old-girl and my parents divorced when I was only two. At 15, my grandparents pressured my mother into remarrying and I stayed with them for two years until my grandfather passed; and my mother took me in. I was happy initially, especially with my new brother, but soon discovered that my step-dad did not like having me around. Things got so bad that I felt traumatised and my grades suffered. My step-dad loves my mom and she is happy with him, so this issue upsetted her. My mom has helped me come to terms with my new life, and now my my step-dad and I are civil. My mom is at a good post in a government department, and she has always encouraged me to stand on my own two feet. The problem is that I have a distrust of men and don’t want to get married. I met my real father at a wedding last year, but he didn’t show any affection. He has a wife but never introduced me to her. He doesn’t have any children, but he still treated me, his only child, coldly. He never even got in touch after that meeting. I get a lot of attention from guys at workplace but I don’t like talking to men. A while back, I got a proposal that my mother considers suitable but, due to my mother’s past, I am afraid of getting married and trusting a guy. My mother is usually very understanding, but she does not realise my feelings and wants me to get married soon. Please help me out, and tell me what to do. Even if I get out of this proposal, there will be another! How can I make my mom understand that I don’t want to marry, ever?
Anonymous X
Dear Anonymous X,
Your mother and father did not get along and got divorced, but that does not mean all men are bad. Your mother is happy with her second husband which means he is a good guy. It was unfortunate that you had problems with your step-dad initially, but you admit that things are better now. My dear, the attitude of your father must have made it clear that if there was a problem in your parents’ marriage, the fault was probably your father’s. A man who is indifferent to his own daughter cannot be a good person, but all men are not like him. Your step-dad may not have wanted you initially, but he loves your mother and for her sake he changed his attitude towards you. No one can guarantee a successful marriage, but a positive attitude can get you there. Think carefully about the proposal and if you dislike anything about the guy, tell your mother. But, saying that you don’t want to get married at all is not right. You can take your time and choose someone you like, or leave it to your mother to select a good guy. I hope you marry a good person and have a happy married life. Best of luck!