I am not a regular reader of Us magazine but of late I read your column. So here I am with my own dilemma....
I feel guilty
I am not a regular reader of Us magazine but of late I read your column. So here I am with my own dilemma. I am a 23-year-old government employee and have a caring partner. Recently, a tragedy has turned my life upside down. Guru, when my father passed away a few months ago, I was out of town with my friends. My relatives did not inform me on time and when I came back I was shocked to hear about my father’s sad demise. Similarly, when my grandfather passed away last year, I was on vacations and my relatives hid this sad news, too, thinking I would be upset.
After the deaths of my father and grandfather, I have become sort of paranoid. Now I am afraid of going anywhere outside the city. I fear if I go away maybe someone else from my family would die. I am afraid of losing my loved ones. So I am reluctant to go anywhere even on an official tour. My wife is so upset. She says I need to move on.
Guru, I am so mentally disturbed. I am feeling so guilty that I wasn’t present at the time of my father’s death. How can I get out of this guilt? Need your valuable advice.
Dear Psycho Boy,
As believers we have this faith that we all have to return to our Creator one day. And we should accept this reality with patience and grace without any guilt.
My dear, there is no connection between your absence from home and your father’s death. It was just about wrong timings. It wasn’t written in your destiny to take part in their last ceremonies. There is nothing to feel guilty about. There are countless people living abroad who cannot be present at their dear ones’ last ceremonies but they don’t stop living.
My dear, grief is natural; I can feel your pain but putting a ban on yourself is not at all practical. This self-imprisonment implies you have a weak faith. Trust me, nothing happens if you go out of town and some misfortune happens, it has nothing to do with your absence. So, just get out of all the negative thoughts. Pray for your father and grandfather’s soul! It will give you mental peace.
Your wife is right; you should get on with your life. You should try to spend good time with your wife. Enjoy your life. God has been kind to you. Thank Him for his bounties. Good luck!
I love my best friend
I am really inspired by the way you resolve peoples’ problems. However, my problem is different from others. In fact, it is a bit tricky.
Guru, I love my best friend X. She has been my buddy since school days. We studied in the same college. I am very close to her and we share secrets. She is everything to me. Now it’s time to get admission in university but the issue is that our families don’t want us to study in the same university. I don’t understand why our families want to separate us. They are afraid what people might think but they don’t care about our feelings. Guru, it’s not fair! I cannot imagine living without X. I am so upset. Please help.
I can understand your predicament but you also need to realize that we live in a society where such relationships are not acceptable.
I don’t doubt your love for your best friend, but this type of friendship is distracting. You are so influenced by your friend that you cannot see anything beyond her. I think your families are right to a certain extent. It’s about time you limit your friendship with your bestie and concentrate on your studies. After few years, you will have to settle down in life so it’s better to minimise your dependency on X and start making new friends. Good luck!