My daughter seems lonely
Dear Guru,
I am a housewife and started following ‘Trust Us’ after noticing my children reading Us magazine. When I observed some behavioural traits in my 15-year-old daughter, I decided to seek your advice. My daughter is very intelligent, and her academic results are always exceptional. She is also active in sports and a member of her school’s Literature Club. At home, she helps with cooking and cleaning, yet despite her busy routine, she seems lonely. She does not appear to be a happy child and has no close friends. She never invites her classmates home and has never visited any of her friends’ houses, although her elder sister and younger brother have lively social lives. Their friends often come over, and they go out together frequently.
On her last birthday, I decided to give her a surprise party at school. I sought help from her class teacher to invite her friends without letting her know. Out of sixteen girls I approached, only three accepted the invitation. I realise it was difficult for her to adjust when we moved from Quetta to Karachi. The new school environment was unfamiliar, and she knew no one, but the same was true for my other children, who adapted quite well. I am worried about her lack of social life and want to know how I can help her come out of her shell. I am at a loss as to how to help her through this. I would greatly appreciate any advice you could give me.
A Worried Mom
Dear Worried Mom,
Your concern is completely understandable, and it’s clear that you want to help your daughter feel happier, which is truly commendable. From what you’ve described, your daughter seems bright and responsible, but she is probably introverted or shy by nature. Moving from Quetta to Karachi must have been a major change, and while your other children may have adapted more easily, each child’s personality is different, so it’s always wise not to compare them.
Instead of worrying too much about her social life, try to spend more time talking to her. Encourage her to share what happens at school and let her know that you are always there for her. If she is naturally introverted, it’s important to accept that she is different from your other children and respect her individuality. However, if you feel she is shy or struggling to open up, you could consider speaking to a school counsellor who may be able to guide and support her.
Perhaps inviting one or two classmates over for a study session or just to spend time together could help her overcome her shyness. Ask if there is anyone at school who makes her uncomfortable or bullies her, and if that is the case, discuss it with her teachers so the issue can be addressed.
To help her build confidence, you might also encourage her to join classes such as painting, swimming, or cooking, where she can interact with girls her age. Such activities can help her connect with like-minded friends in a relaxed environment.
Finally, she seems well-adjusted but perhaps a little serious, which is perfectly fine as long as no one is troubling her at school. Some children are naturally quiet and serious, and there is nothing wrong with that if they are emotionally healthy. As a parent, your understanding and support will help her overcome any difficulties she faces, so just be there for her and spend quality time with her if you sense that she feels lonely.
Good luck!
Unsure of her feelings
Hello Guru,
When I was in my final semester at university, I fell in love with a girl in my class. She always spoke to me kindly, and I found her to be both compassionate and mature. After graduating, I started working and now wish to propose to her. The problem is that I want to express my feelings, but I’m afraid it might affect the image she has of me. I would like to be certain of her feelings before sending my parents with a proposal. How can I do this without embarrassing her? Please help me.
Guy in Love
Dear Guy in Love,
It’s good that you are thinking carefully before taking such an important step, and your concern for her comfort reflects maturity. Rather than confessing your feelings outright, you could begin by asking if she has ever thought about marriage. This will help you understand her outlook without putting her in an awkward position. If she responds positively, you can then tell her that you would like to send your parents with a formal proposal. However, if she seems uncomfortable or avoids the topic, it may indicate that your feelings are not mutual. In that case, respect her wishes and refrain from pressing the matter.
Good luck!
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