Forward March (RunOldMan): I'm a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.
Jenna SaysQuoi (jennasaysquoi): "We want grandkids." Best I can do is this succulent.
LL Gabagool Jay (LLGabagoolJay): My boss asked for a breakdown for some projects I’m working on. So I sobbed uncontrollably.
Mr.Carter (dexteristwisted): Them: Money can't buy happiness.
Me: I'm up for the challenge to find out.
Eden Dranger (Eden_Eats): I’m too cute to be as stressed out as I am.
Marie (mikoflames): Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.
Jake (jakelikesnaps): “I’m on my way.” - me, lying
Just Bill (WilliamAder): It's going to get worse before it gets worser.
Nayele18 (nayele18maybe): I wish glaring disapprovingly at people burned more calories.
A lost dog wanders into the jungle. A lion spots him from a distance and thinks, “Huh… never seen one of these before. Looks edible.”
The lion starts charging. The dog freaks out until he notices some bones nearby. Thinking fast, he blurts out, “Mmm… that was some tasty lion meat!”
The lion slams the brakes. “Wait… this little dude eats lions?! Nope, I’m out.”
But high up in a tree, a monkey sees the whole thing. He scampers over to the lion and spills the truth, hoping to score points. The lion growls, “Hop on my back. We’ll get him together.”
They storm back toward the dog. The dog sees them coming, panics, then yells, “Where the hell is that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!”
“Never confuse your right to say what you believe with a right to never be disagreed with and ridiculed for saying what you believe.”– Ricky Gervais