I am worried about my fiancé
Dear Guru,
I am a 22-year-old university student. I was betrothed to my cousin R at birth according to our family custom. R is a doctor at a reputed hospital in Karachi and earns well. I have loved him for as long as I can remember, perhaps because I always knew I would marry him. I was therefore very happy when our parents arranged our engagement ceremony.
Unfortunately, R was not pleased because he is involved with a nurse at the hospital where he works. My friend’s brother, who also works there, has seen them together many times. This has left me heartbroken. Our wedding date has been fixed and everyone in the family is excited except for me. I do not know what to do. Breaking the engagement is not an option for me as in our family girls must follow their parents’ wishes. Yet marrying R while knowing he loves someone else feels unbearable.
R is affectionate and caring with everyone in the family and is an obedient son who would not break this engagement. Despite his involvement with that nurse, he treats me with kindness and shows me attention, which makes me believe he has some feelings for me. Still, the truth is that he is being unfaithful, even though I have no definite proof. Guru, please tell me what to do. Please help.
Upset Fiancée
Dear Upset Fiancée,
You are in a very difficult position, and your pain is completely understandable. It is clear that you care deeply for R, but your fear is that he loves someone else. Before taking any step, you need to be sure of your information provided by your friend’s brother. Just because he has seen R with this nurse a few times doesn’t mean R is in love with her, or having an affair with her. Normally, doctors have a good rapport with their paramedical staff as they spend most of their time with them. Perhaps R is simply friendly with one of the nurses, but that does not necessarily mean he is having an affair with her.
Since you have no direct proof of his relationship with the nurse, avoid making decisions based on hearsay alone. Instead, try to have an honest conversation with R. Speak openly about your concerns and give him the chance to explain himself.
Sometimes mischief makers, out of jealousy, try to create misunderstandings between happy couples. You, yourself wrote that he is a caring person, so don’t get taken in by what others say and ruin your happiness without proof. Talking to R will remove your doubts one way or the other.
If he admits his attachment to someone else, you must decide whether you can live with that reality, knowing that respect and affection without love may not be enough for a marriage. You have stated that you don’t have the option to refuse to marry R and chances are that R is also in the same boat. So, if R assures you that he is committed to this marriage and willing to put the past behind him, you can then judge his sincerity through his actions. A marriage built on honesty and trust can survive, but one based on doubts and lack of trust may become painful for both of you. If you still feel unsure, confide in your mother or a sibling you trust who understands you and may help you reach a decision.
Remember, your happiness and peace of mind are as important as family honour. Even if you lose the argument with your parents should R admit to his affair, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you tried.
Good luck!
I am being bullied
Dear Guru,
I am a 14-year-old girl and my problem is that I am bullied by some girls in the school bus. I am a bit on the chubbier side and these girls taunt me cruelly. Once I complained to my teacher who scolded one of them in my class. Since then, these girls have become even more vicious. They demand to check my snack box every morning and take whatever they like. They have threatened that if I complain again, they will cut my hair and hurt me. What should I do?
Bullied Girl
Dear Bullied Girl,
Bullying is very serious and what you are facing is not only unkind but also threatening. You should not try to handle this alone. Your best option is to tell your parents exactly what is happening immediately and ask them to speak to the school authorities. You should also inform your class teacher, or school counsellor. Once the school is formally aware of the bullying and the threats, they are obliged to take action to protect you.
Do not give in to their demands or let them take your food, as that only encourages their behaviour. Try to sit near the front of the bus where the driver can see you. If possible, sit with a friend or sit close to a senior student. By speaking up, you will not only protect yourself but may also stop them from bullying others in the future.
Good luck!
Kindly send your problems at: us.magthenews.com.pk