I am disappointed with my mother
Dear Guru,
I am a 23-year-old married woman. I got married last year, with my mother’s full support, to the man I loved - even though my mother-in-law openly opposed our marriage. My mother has always been my biggest source of strength. My father was never interested in me or my brother, but my mother raised us with love and care. After my marriage, she advised me on how to improve my relationship with my mother-in-law, and I respect her deeply for everything she has done for me.
However, a few months after my marriage, my mother did something that has left me feeling embarrassed and devastated. She got divorce from my father through the court. She told me that she had endured years of physical and mental abuse but stayed in the marriage because, in our society, daughters of divorced women struggle to get good proposals. She believes my brother is old enough to take care of himself. She said she had waited for me to be settled before thinking about her own happiness. Now, she wants to remarry a widower who is also her second cousin.
My mother is 49 years old, and she wants to start a new life. But I feel deeply uncomfortable about this. Who gets married at this age? She is likely to become a grandmother soon, yet she is planning her own marriage. I am disappointed in her and don’t know how to deal with this situation. Guru, please tell me how to handle this.
Devastated Daughter
Dear Devastated Daughter,
Your mother’s decision has upset you, but it is important to see her perspective. For years, she endured an abusive marriage for you and your brother. Now that you are settled, she wants to seek companionship and happiness. At 49, she is still young enough to want a partner - marriage is not only for the young, nor does becoming a grandmother mean one must give up thoughts of personal happiness. In fact, remarriage after divorce or widowhood is encouraged in Islam, and it is not something to be ashamed of.
Your embarrassment probably comes from societal expectations, not from anything morally wrong your mother is doing. Instead of thinking about how others might view this, consider the love and sacrifices she has made for you. She supported your choice in marriage despite opposition. Don’t you think you should return the favour by supporting her? If you really love your mom, stand up for her. In time, you will see that her happiness will make you and your brother happy too.
Good luck!
I want to lose weight
Dear Guru,
I am a 21-year-old university student, and my problem is that I am a bit overweight. My older sisters are slim, and I look dowdy when I stand next to them. My cousins and aunts often compare me with my sisters and make fun of me because I enjoy my food and eat what I like, in the quantities I want. Guru, is there any shortcut to losing weight without cutting down on my favourite foods like pizza and noodles? What is the best way to lose weight without giving up the foods I love? Please guide me.
Food Lover
Dear Food Lover,
Unfortunately, there is no healthy shortcut to losing weight that allows you to eat unlimited amounts of high-calorie foods like pizza and noodles. To lose weight, keep a simple principle in mind: you need to burn more calories than you consume. If you consistently eat more than your body needs, the excess energy is stored as fat, no matter what type of food it comes from.
That said, you don’t have to completely give up your favourites. Instead, focus on portion control and balance. You can still enjoy pizza or noodles, but have smaller servings and pair them with healthier options like a fresh salad or steamed vegetables. Swap sugary drinks for water, and try to limit fried and processed foods to occasional treats rather than daily staples.
Alongside this, increase your physical activity. Regular exercise such as brisk walking, swimming, or gym workouts will help burn calories, and improve fitness. Even small lifestyle changes, like taking the stairs instead of the lift or walking short distances instead of driving, make a difference over time.
Also, try not to let comparisons with your sisters or comments from relatives lower your confidence because your worth is not defined by your size. If you stay consistent with healthier eating habits and regular exercise, you’ll see results without feeling deprived.
Good luck!
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