My looks are my problem
Dear Guru,
I am a 14-year-old girl, the youngest among my siblings, and I often feel like the ugliest. I have a wheatish complexion, while all my siblings are fair. I take after my father, who has a darker skin tone. My mother frequently makes hurtful remarks about my appearance. She tells me how unfortunate I am because I am not fair like her, and even some of my relatives taunt me about the way I look.
I am a good student, and my teachers appreciate me, but at home I feel unloved and excluded. It seems like I am not accepted by my own family simply because I look different - the odd one out due to my skin tone. Guru, it deeply hurts me that my own mother thinks I am ugly. I feel so depressed and alone. What can I do to make my mother love me the way she loves my sisters and brother?
Sad Girl
Dear Sad Girl,
It’s heartbreaking to hear what you are going through at such a young and sensitive age. Being 14 is already a time of great emotional and physical change, and dealing with rejection or unkindness from your own family - especially your mother - makes it even harder. This repeated criticism has made you feel unloved, isolated, and depressed.
Despite these challenges, it’s important to remember that your value does not lie in the colour of your skin. You are a good student, and your teachers like you - which shows that you are intelligent, capable, and worthy of respect. These are qualities that matter far more in life than appearance. Unfortunately, society - especially in our culture - places far too much importance on fairness, often forgetting that beauty comes in many shades, and that real beauty shines through kindness, confidence, and character. It is especially painful that these unfair beauty standards are being reinforced by your own mother. Parents are meant to offer comfort and support, so being criticised by them can feel unbearable.
What you are facing is not your fault. It stems from generational biases and deep-rooted societal prejudices, not from any flaw within you. It is not possible to change your mother’s mindset right away, but you can begin to protect your self-worth from being shaped by her comments. Focus on building your confidence and self-esteem through your strengths - your studies, your interests, and your values. In time, when you grow into your own independent life, you’ll see how much more you are than someone’s opinion of your looks. You are not alone, and your feelings are valid. Be gentle with yourself, and know that real love and respect come from those who see your worth beyond appearances.
Good luck!
Worried about my future
Dear Guru,
I am a 26-year-old woman. I come from a middle-class family and have been working for the past four years. My parents are worried about my marriage because, despite my good looks and education, I keep receiving proposals from men who are either unemployed or looking for an earning wife to make their lives easier. Recently, my parents have chosen a boy for me. He is well-educated and from a respectable family, but his parents are demanding dowry.
I like a colleague of mine who is also interested in me, but he needs a little more time to settle down before thinking about marriage. Unfortunately, my parents are not willing to wait. All my cousins are already married, and I am the only one left single, which puts a great deal of pressure on my family. They feel helpless, and I feel deeply guilty for adding to their stress. The boy’s family is coming next month with a formal proposal, and I am mentally disturbed and under a lot of pressure. I am worried about my future, and I don’t know what to do.
Distressed Girl
Dear Distressed Girl,
This is clearly an emotionally taxing situation, and it’s understandable that you feel overwhelmed. However, marriage is a lifelong decision, and it is essential that your choice is based on mutual respect, understanding, and personal happiness - not pressure or social expectations. Accepting a proposal simply to ease your parents' burden may lead to long-term regret, especially if dowry is involved, something which is not only unethical but also illegal in many places. You need to have a candid conversation with your parents. Explain how much you value their concern but also how unhappy and anxious you feel. Tell them about your colleague, if you feel safe doing so, and the possibility of a future with someone who genuinely cares for you. If they are hesitant, perhaps a trusted relative or family friend can help mediate the discussion. Reassure them that marriage delayed is not marriage denied - and that your dignity, mental peace, and future are worth waiting for. You deserve a partner who values you for who you are, not for what you bring materially. Also, talk to your colleague about the possibility of a nikah or engagement ceremony till he is settled. This will ease your parents’ concerns.
Good luck!
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