* Neil Renic (NC_Renic): Too little caffeine = paralysis
Too much caffeine = panic attack
Just right caffeine = brief burst of productivity, then panic attack, then paralysis
* Darla (ddsmidt): I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.
* Ousa Medusa (MedusaOusa): Get them in a row?
IDEK where to find the ducks.
* Jennifer Parker (Mrs_JParker): Grass is really easy to grow as long as it’s in a place where you don’t actually want the grass to grow.
* Rodney Lacroix (RodLacroix): Are you there, running shoe? It’s me, tiny rock.
* Blake Hammond (BigRadMachine): I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.
* Jesse Case (jessecase): Finding out a spouse is into Coldplay would frankly be a bigger betrayal.
* Matty (bestestname): Turns out museums don’t really like it when you try to spend the night there.
* Mr.Carter (dexteristwisted): If you don’t have anything kind to say ... come and sit by me, we’ll make fun of them together.
A woman was driving along the highway when she saw a man waving her down. His truck was parked on the shoulder, clearly broken down.
As she rolled down her window, the man approached and asked, “Are you headed to the city?”
“Sure am,” she replied.
“Great! I don’t need a ride for myself; I’ll be stuck here fixing my truck for hours. But I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back, and they need to get to the zoo. They’re already stressed, and I don’t want to keep them waiting. Could you take them for me? I’ll pay you $200 for the trouble.”
The woman thought for a moment and said, “Sure, I’d be happy to help.”
The man carefully loaded the chimpanzees into the back seat of her car, strapped them in with seat belts, and handed her the cash. Off she went, heading toward the zoo.
About five hours later, the man’s truck was finally fixed, and he was driving through downtown when he spotted a peculiar scene: there was the woman, walking down the street hand-in-hand with the two chimps. A huge crowd had gathered, laughing and snapping photos.
He slammed on the brakes, jumped out of his truck, and ran over to her. “What are you doing?” he yelled. “I gave you $200 to take those chimpanzees to the zoo!”
“I did!” she said, smiling. “But we had money left over, so now we’re going to the circus!”
“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” – Jules Renard