The American way
This is the third part of ‘Brown girl meets the world’ where the writer talks about her adjustment experiences...
As life moves on and classes start, being the only Muslim and Pakistani in class is sometimes weird. One aspect of moving abroad that scared me was racism and stereotyping. I was afraid of how people would judge me and discussions on terrorism still make me uncomfortable. I was so embarrassed when the San Bernadino shooters case came up and it was revealed that the couple was Pakistani.
However, there are also times when I would introduce myself as a Pakistani and people don’t even know that such a country even exists. Sometimes I wonder whether Bin Laden, Malala and Sharmeen Obaid have really made our country famous?
There are also instances when people are all praises for the Pakistani friends they had once made, proving that we aren’t that bad a nation. However, a lot of people just seem impressed that I would travel half way across the world to study in the US. And more often than they subject me to jokes about being from the ‘third world’.
One incident of racism that did happen with me was from some Arab boys, who were also international students. At an international welcome party for students, everyone put up group cultural dances. I went to a group of Indian students and told them to play bhangra music on which we could do bhangra dance. The way I was moving with Indians and encouraging them to dance didn’t go well with those ‘pious’ Muslims. While dancing, I noticed the group look at me like I had stolen their money. And then one of them finally asks, “So did you enjoy dancing,” in a cynical tone. I decided to play cool and said yes. After that night those guys cut me off forever. Now those guys change their direction if they see me walking towards them. In fact, they seem to get angry when they see me outside the mosque, as if I don’t belong there. I never thought I would see such creeps in America.
Tragically, the controlling nature of kinship also continues to haunt my life. I thought I had escaped the neighborhood watchdog aunties and uncles. But I was wrong. Whenever, I mention a friend, they ask what their ethnicity or nationality was and sadly, most of the unexpected and racist comments come from my relatives. In fact, one relative asked me whether I was hanging out with white people or not? I found the question to be incredibly stupid. I am in America, I will interact with white people and if things click, we might end up becoming friends. The relative explained the reasoning for her concern. According to her, white people are devoid of values and morals, which is why ‘good’ Pakistani girls should stay away from them. This stereotyping is as bad as people believing that all Pakistanis are terrorists. The relative, having lived in America for 20 years would say something so absurd is beyond my comprehension. No one ever asked my brother these questions. No, these ‘valid’ questions are reserved for girls only.
In conversations with other relatives, I often come across more of such absurd ideas and opinions. It was made clear to me that I wasn’t becoming friends with blacks, whites, Hispanic and men in general. Chinese, Indians and Arabs were perfectly acceptable but still inferior to us. One of them even asked me the size of my mattress and then suggested that a twin/single sized mattress is good enough for me and I had no need for a bigger mattress. Why in the world was she concerned with my mattress? Well, lady you need to broaden your scope of knowledge. You should know people carry out ‘physical’ activities in cars, bathrooms and libraries, how bad can the twin mattress be? I just dodge these questions but it is sad that I have to lie about simple things in my life while others get to impose their ideologies on me.
Can you believe those aunties impose their judgements and racist comments even to my shopping trips? One day I ended up in a thrift store and bought some 20 clothing items for $2. But my relatives couldn’t put up with that either and suggested that since local Americans had worn those clothes, I shouldn’t wear them. And when her bizarre logic didn’t work on me, she quickly decided to shame me saying that the working class maids went to thrift stores to buy clothes.
As for an interesting yet disturbing experience in America, Friday and Saturday night are two days you wouldn’t want to miss. Although the weekend is a time you utilize to have fun, some kids just lose it in the US and take their fun to a new level of crazy. On these crazy drunk nights, boys tend to shout out profanities from their cars at any girl passing by them. In fact, I see people (both men and women) publicly urinate in and around university. And these are the nights when reckless driving is high, fights break out, shots are often heard, and I am reminded of back home, except people didn’t have to get drunk to get aggressive in Karachi.
This is all for now folks. Moving to a new country is never easy. However, my freedom and independence here is something I have grown to love. More experiences will be coming your way soon.