Letters

Hello Professor,

I am an ardent reader of your column. I am a 26-year-old girl and belong to a middle class family. My problem is very complicated. I got involved with a 42-year-old rich man some three years ago and convinced my family to let me marry him. Unfortunately, he went abroad and I could not marry him. I was devastated but moved on with my life. After some time, I became involved with a very good looking guy K. But the only problem was that he did not earn much. I tried to convince my family for K but they did not listen to me. Meanwhile they got another proposal (Z) for me.

Now, the situation is that my family is pressurising me to marry Z who is well settled. According to them, K does not have a bright future whereas Z is a suitable boy for me and can keep me happy. I am really confused. I am in love with K but I have solid reason to reject the proposal of Z as he is a good looking and decent guy. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

Girl in Trouble

Dear Girl in Trouble,

You are one of those people who fall in love at all the wrong places. First, you fell in love with a mature man that was a total mismatch. Then again you fell in love with someone who could not take a stand for you. Your parents are right; K cannot provide you a good life. You are lucky that you have got a good proposal. I know at this stage you are hopelessly in love with K, but my dear you have to think realistically. Be practical and think with a cool mind. Look at the positive points of Z - he is educated, well placed and good looking too. And above all, he has your parents’ approval. On the other hand, K does not have any thing substantial except for his looks. Mind you, to remain happy in your married life you will need a comfortable life and to lead a comfortable life, you will need stability which apparently K will not be able to provide you. I advice you to listen to your parents, they are your well wishers and want to see you settled and happy. Don’t think negatively, they are just trying to save you from taking another wrong decision. So, forget everything and be mentally prepared for your wedding with Z. Hopefully you will not regret your decision this time. Good luck!

Hello Professor,

I am a 27-year-old woman. I have been married for six years. My problem is that though my husband is a chemical engineer by profession, he is not well-versed with the skills of earning money. My father-in-law gave him a big sum, but he wasted it all by investing in useless projects, and now we are left with nothing. He recently set up a factory of bottles, but unfortunately, this business is running in loss. Even worse is, he is not willing to switch to a job or set up another business. This is extremely upsetting for me. We have two kids, and I intend to purchase a small plot or a shop to secure my kids’ future. Please advise how should I convince my husband on generating some output and stabilising our financial state. Also, I would be grateful if you could tell me where we could possibly get loans from. My father-in-law is also fed up with his son’s incompetency and has told us clearly that he will not assist us anymore. I am so tensed. I don’t know what to do?

Worried T

Dear Worried T,

I can very well understand your dilemma. In this time of inflation it is very difficult to earn a decent living and to raise kids. I think your husband should try to find a job as it seems that business is not his cup of tea. He has already wasted your father-in-law’s hard-earned money and it’s about time he should think seriously about his future. He is not alone, he has a family to look after. I don’t doubt your husband’s intentions but it seems that he is not practical and likes to live in his make-believe world. Now, it’s your duty to make him realise of his responsibilities. Taking loan is not a good idea as it is always difficult to pay off one’s debt. And you may end up in severe financial crisis. So forget about taking loan and try to persuade your husband to find a job. I think he can get a good job as he is chemical engineer. I know it won’t be easy for you to convince your husband. But you have to put your foot down and threaten him that you’ll leave him if he does not listen to you. Meanwhile you can also look for a job. You are an educated woman and you can also contribute in generating family income. Why don’t you apply for a job in a school where your kids go? Normally, teachers’ kids are exempted from paying school fee. In this way, you can also save and have money to meet other expenditures. Good luck!